Castles in the air

I’m trying to write…again.  I feel like I have so much going on in my head at any given point in time and yet I can never find a way to get it from my overloaded brain to pen and paper.  There is always something that keeps me from being able to sit down and just let the words flow in prolific articulation.  I’m not a blogger.  At one time, I did the “blogging” thing.  I wrote because it was what I was supposed to do in order to garner in as much traffic as possible.  I made money from my blog.  I made good money; then I quit.  I gave up blogging and writing because I wasn’t feeling it anymore.  There was too much pressure to fit into the confines of the blogging society and I could never quite fit in.  Ever.  Popularity has never been one of my strong suits.  It wasn’t when I was 15 nor is it now when I’m somewhere in my early forties.  I don’t care either.  I’m quite adept when it comes to not fitting into societal allegiance.  That being said, I still miss writing.  I’ve wanted to write since I was in the second or third grade.  I always knew that I would want to great things with words and I wanted to develop an ability to tell a story and to take words and make something meaningful from them.  Thirty years later and I’m still working on this.

These days the only writing I find time for is in the form of academic papers.  Many of them!  I’m four weeks away from finishing my Psychology degree and I’m five weeks away from starting my first class towards my next degree in English Literature.  It’s my love of words that draws me in.  I have read and continue to read amazing works of literature running the gamut from centuries old to newly published.   I crave to be able to take the twenty-six letters of the alphabet and form them into words which then in turn transform into a profound piece of written material.  Something that will one day be my legacy.

I’m not a writer.  I won’t even pretend to be.  There is no “freelance writer” attached to my resume.  I don’t have the audience to make the money from a blog anymore and I’m okay with that.  I don’t want to write to make money (although I would have no issue in making a bit of coinage here and there).  I just want to write.  I want to be able to finally start taking all of the random thoughts out of the recesses of my mind and start putting them together to form something that exemplifies who and what I am.

I think Henry David Thoreau said it best when he said “If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.  Now put foundations under them”.  So that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to put a firm foundation under all of my castles and watch them take a more solidified formation.  Maybe I’ll end up with my legacy after all.  Time will tell the story…it always does!

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